The Journey Begins Within. NLP for PTSD

"NLP is the best way to go within; undercover." JP

NLP Ninja is like the ability to sneak up on your issues and take them from behind and make them your best friend.

NLP Ninja - If You Can FEEL It You Can HEAL It

NLP Is Like Taking An Inner Journey Without Hypnosis And It Can Transform Complex Trauma Into Post Traumatic Growth

Going Within NLP Style*

*A natural and very useful ability to heal yourself and move toward your new goals.

It's easy if you know how.

Step 1: Go Within Yourself

Step 2: Ask Yourself (the right) Questions and Have a Simple Conversation.

Step 3: Say "Thank You for Communicating With Me"

Repeat as a daily practice or as needed. Use when you're stuck or feeling upset or just want to explore your goals on a deeper level.

No trance state required.

It's easier to Talk to yourself Within if you have a Part of you in mind OR you describe a feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation - with your 5 senses and then the feeling/emotion/upset/ pain/body sensation, becomes a 'tangible' thing that makes it easier to communicate with because its not so vague anymore. (See example below).

In essence you (the conscious Awake you here and now) are having a conversation with a (unconscious) PART of you that is represented by a feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation, with the purpose of helping that PART heal/transform/integrate with YOU so that you can move forward and not be stuck in an unresolved Part that tends to hold you back when stuck.

Why/How does this Work?  It works because most people tend to shut down their feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation; they reach for something outside themselves to sooth it like a drink, a smoke, a drug, a food, an activity, and it may shut it up for awhile, but it does not help it resolve.

Unconscious Parts that generate unpleasant feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation are there for a reason - they're there to communicate with you, if only you knew how to communicate with it.  Most of us have no idea we can communicate with our inner parts while we're awake and alert, and even if we did, most of us have no idea how or what to say or ask and even further, most of us have no clue how healing and transformative such a communication can be. Until we are taught and then we try it.

Once we learn how and try it on ourselves, and get the experience of a healing or a transformation then it all becomes crystal clear the magic of NLP and the hope and excitement of knowing anytime we have a feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation, all we need do is repeat the process and then we know we can handle anything.

The GOAL of the communication is resolution. Resolution means there is no longer a problem.  The Goal of asking questions and communicating with our Inner Parts is to get your Parts to tell you what they need and want and why they are generating feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation - and how to get it to work together with our New and Present Part that doesn't want to be held back anymore and is ready to move forward from any feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation patterns that they notice operating in their life.

Meditation, Mindfulness, Focusing, Somatic Experiencing are all similar processes but they don't have any GOALS. The Goal is usually to calm down or relax or maybe feel centered, but there is no conscious communication and no literal or tangible resolution that you can see and feel around any specific feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation.

There are many paths to go Within, but only one that uses actual Communication between your active, awake mind and your unconscious mind so that you can get to a resolution.

Here are some basic principles about using NLP to go Within:

Anytime you notice a feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation or a pattern reaction, you immediately ask yourself, "WHERE DO I FEEL IT IN MY BODY".  You don't try to answer, you are asking your unconscious mind so therefore you just pause and wait for the answer to come up or you get quiet and look within or do a body scan to find it.

Some examples might be: pressure in the chest, pain in the heart, lump in the throat, sinking feeling in the stomach, aches and pains that spontaneously pop up. Sometimes it is more vague, like "in my head" or a pain behind the eyes like right before you start crying, or a vague sense that is is "all around me" as if you are inside of it.  There is no right or wrong answers.

If you "don't know", go back to the feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation - how do you know you're upset? And go with that answer.  The main point here is you want to be able to identify a place in the here and now present time and not some vague memory or thought. (You can work with a vague memory or thought**, but that's a little more advanced, so try to work with a body sensation, also known as a somatic marker, first.)

Here's why. Once you identify that your feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation is a pressure in your chest, for example. then you ask it the 5 NLP Questions referred to as VAK representations. V = Visual, A = Auditory and K = kinesthetic.

OK, so let's keep it simple and easy and go from here.  You're pissed off, distraught, upset, disappointed and hurt. Where do you feel it in your body? Your chest has a zingy, electric feeling or adrenaline and pain as if your ribs are pushing your chest out. Your mind is going a mile a minute. Perhaps you feel like crying or venting. But you focus on your chest and ask it 5 NLP Questions:

1. What shape is it? (V)  Pause... and go within and just look at it with your mind's eye. Don't move on to the next question until you've answered this one.  

2. What color is it? (V) Pause.... and go within and with your inner sight look at the shape in your chest and notice what color or colors it is.

3. How much does it weigh? (K)  Pause....go within again and get a sense of its weight. Take several seconds, use your imagination, guess, estimate. Is it heavier than you? It is as heavy as a bag of sugar? Ton of bricks? etc.

4. What temperature is it? (K) Again, just Pause (by now you're quieter and a little more relaxed and getting the hang of it, so you go inside yourself to investigate how warm or cool or hot or freezing the thing in your chest is. Feel it with your hands in your mind's eye. You can touch and and get a sense of it. You can feel the edges of it and sense if they are smooth or bumpy. You can even send energy or light or love into it with your hands. The mind is a powerful thing to waste, so use it to explore the various Parts of yourself that are within you.

5. What sound does it make? (A) Pause again....., and just listen.  What sound does it make? If it seems to be completely silent, say that then, but describe the silence a little more. Is it a calm quiet, a dead silence, and eerie silence? Is there a hum, low rumble, white noise

It doesn't matter what the answers are. Again, there are no right or wrong answers. There is no psychological significance to any of the answers. they don't matter. they point of the questions and answers is to get your upset into a Tangible Part of yourself you can see and feel and hear and is a separate part of you. 

The 5 questions get you and your upset separated into two different things so that you two can communicate. This is better than the upset part being you as one thing. There's you and there's a part of you that is upset over something. That part needs you. It needs you to pay attention to it and talk to it and work with it. And as a result you and it resolve the problem and work together to get what you'd rather have instead, what it wants instead.  Here's how.  

Once you get to that point, it's time now for the actual conversation to begin because you now have you (your awake conscious mind) and a Part of you as a tangible separate thing and the talking can begin in a way that is clear and easy. It's not easy talking to your unconscious mind when you're conscious mind is pissed off, distraught, upset, disappointed and hurt. 

Questions to Ask this Part

First use your imagination and put that Part in your Left hand.

This is also an NLP move... it's when you take a memory or a picture or a tangible thing in your inner mind and move it to another location. Later you can ask "where is it now?" and that question makes sense because you've moved it a couple times.  Moving a part within like that, sending it into the sun, moving it on your timeline, moving it to the left, etc. can also heal an upset instantly. I've seen it happen in seminars. It's a nice NLP move that is incorporated here to move the Thing in your Chest, that's now been described more tangible in your mind, into your Left hand where we can communicate with it better.

You're left hand serves as a nice visual for your awake conscious mind to see with open eyes, knowing that unconsciously your inner part is there and you don't feel so silly asking your empty left hand some deep questions.  It's a curious, calm experience, by this time most people are very calm and curious and awake but quieter and relaxed than before they got to this point. 

OK, so now you ask your Left Hand: (You're asking the Part of you that is in your left hand).

"Are you willing to communicate with me?"

Now here is the only point where it can go one of two ways, it can say "yes" or it can say "no".

[The rest of the steps below assume it said "yes" and if it said "No", you just skip to STEP X Below.]

Left Hand says , "Yes.". you say, "Thank you for communicating with me".

You then ask, "What do you want?" Pause and see what comes up.

Sit there and wait as if you just asked a real person and they're thinking and you're waiting for them to answer you patiently. If you're not getting anything, just go within again and focus on the tangible thing, focus on its shape, color, etc again and ask it on the inside (in your mind, not out-loud), What do you want? Ask with a sense of curiosity and compassion and patience. Don't try to demand a fast answer or get mad at it and certainly do not go into your conscious mind and start trying to figure out the answer. just pause and wait it out. Something always comes up. (And if it doesn't, then it is OK to just guess. Use your imagination (not your analytical mind of figuring or analyzing it out), just guess what it wants.

Usually something will come up.  You ask it deeper questions along with same lines, like "Are you trying to help me in some way?"  Why are you generating this upset, what's the purpose of it? What's your intention for being here? Are you trying to protect me or keep me safe or warn me? Are you trying to get me to pay attention to you?"

We go straight to the point of "What do you want" because its a nice direct question and we're giving it permission to be real with us an tell us without all the small talk first. The whole point was to get it to comm with us so we could find out what it wants. once we know what it wants we can then work with it. but we got to know it's intention too so we can help it get what it wants too. as with any rel or negotiation both sides want something, its good to hear that upfront so you can work together to both get what you want . if one side can't get what it wants why would it want to cooperate or disappear/heal? a part of you is generating this upset and this body sensation in order to tell you something in the first place, so ask it what it wants.

There are some universal themes in the answers because ALL PARTS OF US WANT TO HELP US. Even if our conscious mind doesn't think all our upsets want to help us, all the parts know instinctively that you are all part of a you and they are all on your side to preserve their one life with you. Parts are there to help us. So if you don't know that yet, its OK, just assume it wants to help and ask "Are you trying to help me in some way" so it can give you the answer.

It usually wants to protect you, warn you, keep you safe. By their very nature Parts are tying to keep you safe, especially trauma parts because trauma is all about safety and feeling safe again.

So whatever it tells you what it wants, what its intention is, WRITE THAT DOWN.

Step X - This is the point where you put your Left Hand Aside and pull up your Right Hand.

Inside that Right hand, you put in the following 9 Human Needs and Resource States that are universal also.

Let's start with LOVE.  Everyone feels love. You put your Love in your Right Hand.  What I do is think of something I love to do or someone I love or even an activity I love doing, and I get a sense of loving it and I use my imagination and put that love into my right hand. then I go to the next word, get a feel of it with or without a personal example from my life, and put it in my right hand, and so one down the list of 9 states of mind. Say the state, pause and feel it, put it in your right hand, move on to the next word.

love

strength

courage

centeredness

faith

gratitude

energy 

power

compassion.... self-compassion... feel compassion for yourself for having had to go through so many things and for having to deal with this upset, etc. just have compassion for yourself mainly. You can also feel compassion for others here too, but don't leave out the self.

Now in your Right hand you have a combination of 9 Resources. This is also an unconscious Part of you that you just consciously, intentionally put together.

Now you have 2 Parts of you that can communicate with each other. You don't even have to hear what they're saying, you just know on an unconscious level they are and you tell them to signal you when they're done. 

Here's how:

OK, so you have your left hand and your right hand being held out in front of you.

You direct the left hand, you tell it, to tell the right hand all of it's problems, from root to leaf, just give all the upset problems and any related problems to the right hand. Let the Left Hand tilt toward the right, and just imagine its sending all its info into the right hand until its done. When its done, let the left hand relax again, (stop tilting toward right), just let it sit there while you go tell the right hand what to do next. 

The right hand can handle all the problems because its a powerhouse of 9 of the best resources states that relate the universal human needs. You tell the right hand to come up with some new ideas to help the left hand. What I do is tell my right hand to take in all the problems and intentions of the left, and come up with some new ideas on how to help the left hand that include resource states, and not just the upset states. This sense of New ideas is what helps the upset get unstuck, because its run out of options and is stuck in the only way it knows how to keep you safe - generate upset feelings to get your attention.

I tell the right hand to generate new ideas over the next 24 hours and also to give us at least 1 or 2 new ideas in the next 5 minutes. This allows it space and time to work on the issue, while also giving us something right now to work with.

I tell the right hand to let me know when it's done. I usually just feel a sense that it's done after a few long moments and then we're ready for the next step.

I go back to the Left and ask it if its ready to work together with the Right, to get its intention and needs met by letting the Right Resources help it, so that the upset doesn't have to get generated anymore. If we could accomplish its goals (get its intention and needs met) without the upset, would it be willing to work with the Right hand to do so?  

You pause and wait for it to say "Yes", it's willing. If it says "No" skip to Step Y below. 

After it says Yes, it'll work together with the right hand, have the two hands move toward each other until they come together and hold each other to symbolize on the inside and the outside that they are now working together.

This is called Integrating Parts and its how upsets are resolved on the inside and how resource states help you with new idea to fill the void in order to move forward. Healing is never complete without a movement of action forward, even if just a baby step forward, because it needs the challenge to grow. We always grow after resolving a conflict. we learn from all our experiences and we grow more mature, we grow wiser, we grow more loving, we grow in our recovery and wellness, etc. But we still live in our bodies on the outside in the world, not in our heads. Therefore we need to get to the behavior level where we take actions.

Once the two hands are holding each other, they are forming a new part now, a super part. A part that knows your upset pattern and a part with all your needs met and resources and strengths activated and it's ready to move forward so we must ask it a couple last questions to hear what we need to do out here in the real world.

Here's how.

We ask the new, super part a question that goes like this:  "Now that this issue is resolved, what's the first thing I need to do?"

Again, simple and to the point, "what do I need to do next?" Pause, and wait for it to tell you. Wait for the answer to just come up.

Write that answer down.  Clarify it, as in repeat it out-loud, see how it sits with you, make sure its a tangible action, a task you could write in your calendar today tomorrow or this week that you could do and that you can see yourself doing, and that you can see yourself accomplishing and getting done. If you got it, then write that down, that's the next thing you're going to do later today, or in the near future (this week or next week, don't go any further out that that. Make it something you can easily do in the next few days for best outcomes.)

Next question. OK, after you get that done, what's the next thing you're going to do?

This question is a Future-Pace question that will enhance your motivation and drive because you now have 2 tasks lines up and that's all you need to get momentum going.  You will find that your motivation is quite high at this point, so you capitalize on that to attack it to real tasks you can get done.  You will find yourself getting them done and feeling a rush of energy or confidence when you accomplish it. It's really an amazing feeling. Without the upset holding you back like an anchor preventing your boat from moving, and since your in alignment with your own personal goals and intentions, there is a natural excitement about them. Plus the sense of freedom from bondage of the upset because the upset is gone, but its also happy and content and feels well taken care of so it's in full cooperation with the resources parts. It's there to lend wisdom of past experience but without generating upsets, its now works with the resources to generate New Ideas for Tasks that you can get done that move you toward your goals.

You can accomplish any goal with just 2 steps at a time. so this is more than sufficient to get you going and you can always go within and ask your part, what is the next thing to get done now that those other tasks got done This is how you move forward with natural motivation and drive and not force of will and resistance trying to force yourself to get things done. This is also how to resolve or heal emotional upsets and this is also how to integrate parts that were shattered apart from trauma. They get back together by way of communication with each other, hearing each other out on what they need and aligning with strengths to feel safe and move forward at the same time.

The most important question one can ask him/her self is, "What do I want". 

It's important because complex trauma sufferers rarely have permission or with no strings attach to what they want, especially those exploited by caregivers with personality disorders. in fact, it can be used as a regular practice using NLP to heal what comes up when you ask. Asking for what you want can feel dangerous and scary. Use the NLP process on the fears and then embrace what you want without it blocking your way anymore. It's a great "want" healer for those who are codependent and don't know how to focus on themselves and what they need or want and in extension their goals for what they want to do with their life. 

Remember the problem with trauma is not feeling safe and being stuck. The solution is safety, support, resources and that helps it get unstuck and gives it what it needs so it can move forward again. Movement is life. Nothing stuck or stagnation can grow and indeed over time it causes de-compensation, regressing, etc. how it gets worse if you remain stuck for years. it doesn't go away and it doesn't get better. it needs to move. everything needs to move. motion is lotion. use it or lose it. we need to keep our lives moving, our bodies moving or minds moving, nothing can just stop and stay there forever. 

So now you have 2 tasks to do in the near future and that is the end of the process. Look at the clock and although if feels like you went deep within yourself for a good half hour at least is not 45 minutes or more, you notice 12 minutes have gone by from the first question. This is another benefit of the method. 

You write down those 2 things and plan to do them.  Two weeks later you want to look back and journal about your experience and how you've been doing and what you've been doing in the last 2 weeks. Did you get your 2 tasks done? Has the upset come back any? Remember that original upset, how does it feel now? Can you try to make yourself upset about it or have you moved on and you now feel happy or free from it?  It's always a good idea to check in 2 weeks later.

The reason we need to check in 2 weeks later, is people tend to have enough relief and momentum to just keep living there life and moving on. But the problem happens because problems happen. And you want to be ready for the next one. The only want to be truly ready and to want to come back to this process every time an upset comes up, is to evaluate how it worked out for you when you used it.

So review in 2 weeks for best results.

Remember to come back to this NLP process the next time you get upset. And the next. There is a nice accumulation effect if you practice this for about 90 days. You find you have healed quite a lot and are free from many stuck issues and have processed them and are moving on, etc and more importantly you know how to manage yourself.  After 90 days other than a refresher every other month or every 6 months maybe, you really don't need to do it very often - just do it as needed whenever you are triggered or upset, or notice a Pattern operating in your life or relationships. 

How Often Should I Journey Within Like This?

The best way I have found to use it, is to use it for 15 minutes a day. Practice it regularly for 90 days and then use as needed and maybe twice a year use it for general upkeep purposes.

** If you can only identify a vague memory or thought, then you need to ask yourself how you know you have it (if its not a body sensation). Is it a picture in your head? Or like a short movie clip? Or a voice of what someone said to you? If you have a picture of a memory or sounds of an old conversation, you can still work with that. If its a cloud over your head or a vague dark feeling or mist or seems all around you, you can still ask it the 5 VAK questions. As you practice going within like this and feeling with your mind's eye, this becomes easier and easier and is actually a very pleasant experience once you get over some initial bumps. Feeling your good feelings like this can be a magic experience, almost out of body type mild euphoric experience. But if you have no body sensation but you have a memory picture or movie or you just have a voice or conversation, then you just ask yourself more NLP questions for example; is the picture black and white or in color, what direction is the sound coming from (to the left, back and above my head) or (in my head in the back like an old memory, etc.) Just find the location and or describe in more detail. Whose voice it is (mom, old friend, etc.) and is it soft or loud, what is the tone? These questions are describing location and visual and auditory and you can go within via these also. It is just easier with a body sensation to separate yourself out from it in the beginning because you take a real life feeling you feel while wide awake, go within yourself and create this tangible thing out of it that is like talking to another person and it's neat to communicate with your unconscious mind like this without trance or hypnosis. It is an easy way for your conscious mind to communicate with your unconscious mind. It's also the most painless method I have come across in my life long search for a healing method that works on the obsessive thought (usually negative ones about myself and my life and my past) that I have ever found. I've been using it since 2013 I'm pretty sure. I got more serious about using it while in the Bay area and we moved there in 2013. It's  now Sept 2017 as I write this and I use it weekly on myself, friends, partner and some clients. It has worked every single time and I have dozens of case studies of the before and after results.

What Happens Next?

Well, a good idea might be to do what Gary Craig creator of EFT Tapping said to do with his energy therapy/emotional healing method: The Personal Peace Procedure.

The Personal Peace Procedure. is simply sitting down with paper and pen and write a list of 50 or more things that you want to work on. Write a list of things that upset you, scare you, bother you. Keep listing everything you can think of until you can't think of anything else. It could be 100 things, it could be 3 pages long. Just write at least 50. Include memories of bad times or people you're mad at or people who are mad at you or times you lost things, were fired, whatever, just write them down.

Once you've done this brain dump of writing a list of all your issues. You simply start with the first one and do the healing process on that one. Do 1 per day for 90 days. It takes about 15 minutes to do the NLP inner journey, so this is very easy and do-able for anyone no matter how busy or how lazy they are. 

I find that things that are easy or fun or both, are easier to actually want to do.

Imagine clearing up one issue a day for 90 days. What difference might you see in your life? Is it worth it to try?

Now What?

Time to pick one issue and give it a try. To make it easier for you, I made a session VIDEO to facilitate the whole questioning process for you. You can even pause the video as you go within and wait for the answers.  The way I put together the NLP elements into my own system (I describe all the NLP elements in this article and the reason why I include them in my method), I like to call The INNER PEACE PROCESS of "IPP" for short.

Not to be confused with The Personal Peace Procedure. which is making a list of your troubles and difficulties and healing them one by one over 30 - 90 days and beyond. Please note, there is no set rule set in stone, these are just guidelines to make it as easy as possible for you to do it without having to figure all this out on your own. I only include the most essential and necessary elements to get a full process result, meaning you clear up an upset and you move forward toward what you want, all in one procedure. I see too many healing methods that don't include moving forward and  I see a lot of goal setting procedures that do not include integrating the old parts. As a result these 2 methods alone are incomplete making it harder to keep at them and make any progress.

Next Step:

Try The Inner Peace Process (IPP) Video Here.  The Inner Peace Process - Give Yourself A Session

Tips for doing the IPP Today:

1. Identify a specific problem. Write it down on a piece of paper or open up a note pad. 

2. Rate it on a scale of 1 - 10 how distressing it is, 10 being the worst. You might even note how long you've had this problem and how this problem negatively impacts your life. (Turn on the video and listen for 15 minutes).

3. You can write down the answers to the questions as you go through the process, but the main one to write down is the Part's Intention and what it wants, and then later your 2 tasks.

4. When done, tune back into the original problem and rate it on a scale of 1 - 10, so you have the before and after number. 

5. Write the date on your paper and also mark your calendar for 2 weeks from now so you can look back and see how you feel. At 2 weeks rate the issue again with a 1- 10 rating for how stressful it is at that time. If in 2 weeks its still a high stress number, I'd suggest doing the IPP again to see what is left that needs to be addressed and repeat. I've rarely had to do the IPP on any issue more than once or twice. At times it is just another aspect of the problem coming up that needs processing. An example of this is that the first time you do IPP on an issue, you are very upset and angry and hurt and 2 weeks later you notice you are more sad and like grieving a loss. Just 2 different aspects of the same problem that can be healed, cleared up and integrated. Continue to ask yourself for what you want and what 2 tasks you need to do next to continue moving forward with your life and recovery.

Afterthought: 

I will do another video on a real issue with an explanation for what I write down as I go through each step so it will be even more clear for you. 

If you'd like you can comment and let me know how it worked for you or ask any questions you may have. All the Best! 

Thanks for reading,

Jeanette (JP)

Understanding C-PTSD and What to DO about it

There's a trend these days, everyone is talking about C-PTSD. Which is great, we need more awareness and education about it. We need more trauma-informed workers in all areas.

So here's my take on C-PTSD. These are not all my thoughts, they are my take on about a dozen books I've read on the topic this year and my experience working with trauma clients, and of course my own struggle and journey from C-PTSD to recovery and wellness.

1. People get stuck on the actual diagnosis too literally.  There is no C-PTSD officially in the DSM, there is just PTSD.  Complex Trauma has been around but no one coined the term until recently, which helped explain the trauma that people who didn't go to war, or who didn't witness someone die, etc. the traditional trauma events, and yet they had all the signs and symptoms of PTSD.

We knew childhood trauma caused a type of PTSD but it was hard to explain, and at least now we have a good term and some excellent books on the topic (See Pete Walker's books and articles on Complex-PTSD from Surviving to Thriving).

2. So we're diagnosed by therapists and psychiatrists - IN ORDER TO DO BILLING!  They need a diagnosis so they can bill insurance. That's it. It's a function of the system. What we really need after that is some explanation on what that is, what to expect, what meds are for what and what we can do to help ourselves. (See WRAP for Trauma book and notes below on what we can DO about it).

3. The diagnosis is based on symptoms. Now PTSD is a unique diagnosis because it's based on a.) an trauma EVENT (the cause) and b.) MEMORIES (flashbacks, nightmares, being flooded with memories, blocking out memories, avoiding memories), (the effect).   But that leaves people still in the dark, it doesn't explain it all and it doesn't help with what to do for recovery.

4. There are 2 other factors that need to be addressed:  1.) how we appear to others when we're suffering from PTSD and 2.) what's going on INSIDE of us when we're suffering from PTSD. And, again, 3. what can be done for it to help.

5. How we appear to others is moody, distant, angry, like victims, hard to reach, withdrawn, nervous, not wanting to go out and do things, etc. and so most people distance themselves or abandon us because they just don't know what to do with all that. They're scared to get us upset, they're scared we'll go off on another rant or break down crying, they're scared they'll make it worse, they feel helpless and frustrated that no matter what they say or do it doesn't seem to help, and do they give up.

6. How we feel inside is a whole other world. We are in a strange place. It's as if life pulled the rug out from under us and we're not grounded, but lost and floating in the unknown with lots of scary stuff going on in our head and how we see the world.  It's hard for us to connect with others. We deal with triggers, nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, anger, rage, grief, shame - and pretty much all alone with it because no one seems to get it or want to.  Our safety and trust have been shattered, so we question life, God, ourselves and don't know who to trust.

7. Our reaction or coping to PTSD. Not knowing what to do, we end up isolating to try and stay safe. We lock ourselves up in our own little world, soothing ourselves the best we can, afraid we might go off on someone, scared people will hurt us again, so we keep to ourselves.  This isolation is a way to cope at first and may feel safe, but over time it becomes our prison where we see our depression and anxiety and negative thinking have gotten worse, but have no idea what to do - we feel doomed, damaged and that our life will never be good. This can lead to even more giving up or coping with harmful substances, numbing out with meds or alcohol and still no real coping or healing is going on.

8. Our "split-personality". We go offline and online. We're online when we feel like ourselves and go about our daily lives. And, then we get triggered and are hijacked by our nervous system, the mind can't handle it all so we go offline, disassociate, space out, seem like we're there physically but mentally we're off somewhere else. It's hard to hear others when we're offline. We're deep inside trying to sort out all the stuff we just got bombarded with on the inside. People and even counselors who don't recognize this as a sign of PTSD think we've shut down, are "resistant" or don't want to get better. They have no idea what's going on inside of us and we have no words and no courage to voice it to them. It's too much of a risk to say it out-loud and not be heard or validated.

9. C-Trauma makes it hard to connect to those we love. We isolate even within marriages and families and at work. We want to connect, but just can't and when our brains our offline, we really can barely function at times.

10. It's not your fault. PTSD is a real phenomenon that happens to people who have been traumatized. Our brains and nervous system have changed to accommodate the shock. We're stuck in mental loops and recycling of patterns and issues and have no idea how to process it.  For those of us brave enough to do therapy or support groups and start to talk about it - we feel like we've done "the work" and yet there goes another trigger and we're right back where we started. Very discouraging. We don't know what we did wrong, or right, what works or doesn't. We're just trying to survive it.

11. EMDR - Eye-Movement Desensitization Reprocessing. A method that helps the brain sort out and process the memories that brings about healing and emotional relief. It takes a licensed therapist trained in EMDR if you're lucky enough to find one. It's draining. It takes a lot of work. It's worth the work - 1 year of EMDR sessions felt like 5 years of traditional talk therapy. But there's a lot of re-living of experiences and emotional ups and downs that go with it. With a good therapist and support and self-care, it's been the only answer for many years of how we heal PTSD.

12. EFT Tapping.  Emotional Freedom Techniques, or 'Tapping' for short.  Then energy therapy came along and millions of people were Tapping on their acupuncture points to help the fight or flight response calm down, deal with our issues and finally have a tool for self-soothing and processing that didn't require a therapist. But there are limits. Many practitioners aren't trauma-informed and go for a quick fix, not giving us enough time to get ready for it and articulate our story.  It's a great tool for processing but healing and recovery is more than just processing the bad stuff.

13. NLP. Neuro-Linguistic Programming. My favorite. Don't get me wrong, I completely believe and see now that we need so much more (See 'WRAP') below. But NLP is not a bad start.  The difference between NLP and EFT (I'm a practitioner of both), is that EFT is tapping your issues away and NLP is communicating with your own unconscious mind to resolve your issues and call up your strengths to be able to move forward.  I said "move forward", not "move on" - which is the worse invalidating insult you can say to a trauma victim. There is no moving on. There is no forgetting. There is no going back. You are changed forever and can't just 'move on'.  I'll slap the next person who dares to tell me to move on!  But there is moving forward. There is an alchemy of transformation where you integrate your trauma with who you are now so you can still live a life that you really like and that serves you well, but you bring your wisdom from the process of healing with you. It's always with you. But it can be made to serve you rather than imprison you.

14. It all starts in the mind.  And then the mind stores it as memories, beliefs, feelings, etc. in our unconscious mind.  When you have the ability to communicate with your unconscious mind - you are helping it get 'unstuck' 'unfrozen in time' and moving forward with what it needs in the here and now.
(Please see my "Inner Peace Process" NLP technique training and session videos on another page on this blog for more of how to easily learn how to do that.)

15. Your mind knows everything about you. It knows exactly what you need and want and has lots of ideas on how to help you get there with all the resources, skills, talents, abilities and interests it has also been storing for you unconsciously. when you use a technique to help dissipate the trauma stuck points, you clear the room for the resources to start to come alive again. And that's the beauty of NLP.  NLP is a set of techniques, mostly question and answer processes, that paves the way for you (your awake conscious mind, no trance required) to communicate with your unconscious mind (no trance required, you can do it all with a very awake conscious mind, in fact it gives the conscious mind something fascinating to do while you "meditate/mindful" going within journey.

You go on your OWN journey, not some scripted creative visualization or hypnotic trance to 'program' your subconscious mind to be your robot or slave where you hope it works.

You actively tune in with your own within via the body to tap into your unconscious parts that are generating somatic markers/body sensations.

These 'body sensations' (subtle or not so subtle gut feelings, lump in throat, pressure in your chest, heart racing or aching) are being generated by your subconscious mind!  So they are the gateway in to talking to the many 'Parts" that your subconscious mind holds, all the issues, all the resources, all of "you".

So when you know HOW to get access to and communicate with your unconscious mind, now the next thing is what to say?

We keep it simple and get straight to the heart of the matter; we ask it what it wants.

The magic question. (I know, I call all my NLP questions magic questions, but they're like little miracles that can change our entire life around!).

But, asking "What do you want?" is a very good, clever and wise thing to repeatedly ask yourself.

You don't think of the answer, you pause and allow it to well up inside you.  Every time you ask yourself a question, the mind can't help but go searching for the answer, and it won't stop util it finds it. Curiosity is our greatest weakness when it comes to grabbing our attention, just ask any marketer.

Ok, so let's sum up NLP.  It's a way to communicate with your unconscious mind while you're awake and it feels like a natural conversation, you elicit needed information from it, you find out what it wants and it's good intention and that's all that is needed to get the conversation going because then you go into calling up your inner resources and that part of your unconscious mind has a lot of exciting ideas about what it wants for you because it is speaking from your deepest dreams and authentic calling.

You get these two parts to work together and its so natural and easy to do that, all it takes is another question.

And as a result of them negotiating how to work together to get both their needs met, the next step is the moving forward by seeing what it is you need to do next to take care of yourself. Now you have your mission and a natural motivation to step into those next steps. End of session. You leave it feeling renewed, refreshed, re-energized and with the issues behind you and your next steps in front of you, off you go to live your life.

And each session builds on each other where steps turn into goals that turn into moving into your dreams and desires.

Sounds like Tony Robbins, but its true. When you learn how to communicate with your inner parts in just 15 minutes and you feel an issue resolved and you're ready to move on to doing something you need to do for you that said issue used to hold you back from, you are on the path of leaving the nightmares behind you as you move forward into your dreams.

16. WRAP. Wellness Recovery Action Plan. This is where everything gets tied together. This is the place where you map out your issues and coping skills to use on them, This is the place you come up with your own personalized daily routine to keep yourself well and happy. This is the place to plan for crisis and after crisis. This is a place to not only manage your symptoms but create your lifestyle so you can heal, recover, get well and start living. Even if its one baby step at a time. It's a start, It's a map, it's a plan for your recovery and wellness.

More on WRAP in another post, but for now, it's added to the list of understanding C-PTSD and what to DO about it.

Healing the Abandonment Wound

Healing the Abandonment Wound: The abandonment wound seems to be an under-represented area in mental health. Just like complex trauma is not listed as a diagnosis in the DSM, neither is abandonment mentioned as a cause for some of the mental illness issues experienced by people. I often write about narcissistic abuse. One thing I noticed about narcissistic abuse is that it can cause an abandonment wound in the victim. Oftentimes people think of abuse as involving some sort of physical, verbal, or sexual violation; however, many victims of abuse are not even yelled at. Some victims of abuse are simply neglected and ignored. Not many people in the helping professions address the injury caused by rejection or desertion. Emotional abandonment is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient. In fact, the term 'recipient' is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the

Three Simple Steps to Understanding your Emotions

Three Simple Steps to Understanding your Emotions: Driven by emotions, we react to others, make important decisions, avoid uncomfortable situations, and even sabotage our goals. Yet, most of us don’t really understand our emotions or exercise much control over them. This simple tutorial will help...

Louise Hay Died Today

Louise Hay died the other day.

Like many others, it made me reflect on how far I've come since that first book a friend gave me when I was just 21. (Now I'm 54).  That validated my urge to heal and be positive and showed me the way, gave me my first coping tools. Helped me get on the path to recovery and healing and kept me going through uncertain times.

I must have read "You Can Heal Your Life" dozens of times over the years. I soaked in every word each time.

There were other books, but no one lasted through the years still there. Still writing, speaking and helping other great healers publish their books.

I saw an article spread in San Diego once, where I was living. I could have met her. She had a nice house and was painting I remember.  I knew the area where she lived. It made her more human and real to know she was there. But I was still too scared to try and approach someone like her.

What if I knew then I was good enough?  Might I have looked into it more to see what she was doing locally and find my chance to meet the leader in self-love and self-care?

We'll never know.

But it still feels like I know her a little bit. That she was a part of my world and my life. She was a role model and a mentor and a leader.

I can't imagine where I'd be if I didn't find that book at 21. What other roads I might have taken.

Heaven is a happier place with you in it Louise, thank you for your lasting contribution!

Rest In Peace (& Love)

--

Interested  in EFT for Codependency Recovery?

Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues

Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Life Skills Program and My Teen Years in the System

I just came across this mental health recovery program who help kids with trauma and they have a whole section for LIFE SKILLS.

I was SO HAPPY to see that. I wish I had that as a teenager as I was bounced around from group home to foster care to residential treatment to running away in-between.

This is what I needed, in addition to the emotional support and validation and recovery tools, I needed life skills.

I had to learn mine the hard way - by being thrown out there in the world and by doing. By trial and error. By being driven by desperation to "make it" and take care of myself.

Those early years were hard after age 17 being an "adult" and on your own. My entire 20's were all about learning how to be a part of working society.

One of the first things I learned was how to go under cover. In the morning I'd put on my make-up and my "uniform" and my game face and would go to work and use all my smarts and willingness to just learn and do a good job and keep the pay check coming.

I played a role. I faked it until I made it. I dare not breathe a word of my real self for fear they'd kick me out of mainstream America and put me back down with the disabled. Broken. Wounded. Shattered.

I had no idea back then that anyone who was willing to put the work in deserved to be there.

Back to the Life Skills program I just saw on this page http://www.stvincentshome.org/programs-and-services/life-skills-program/.  

Here's a list of what they teach in LIFE SKILLS:

Life Skills includes:

• post-secondary education planning
• interest inventories
• access to Career Cruising web-based programming
• a variety of vocational assessments and planning
• educational advocacy and self-advocacy training
• transitional planning
• work-based learning and school-to-work opportunities
• career guidance, employment assistance and job maintenance skills
• resume writing, job applications and job seeking skill development
• independent living skills:  personal care & safety, money, home and food management
• social skills development
• driver education
• experiential learning
• community linkages
• relationship building

 It took me a lifetime to learn all that.  I'm in my 50's now and I forget to give myself credit for all I've learned and how far I've come.  I was so busy trying to catch up with the rest of the world and the 'normal kids/young adults', I never stopped to celebrate and honor the many milestones I passed.  I thought they were no big deal, like that was all stuff you should be doing anyway.  

Not realizing you were neglected and not connected and were dealing with complex trauma on top of trying to manage every day life as a working single parent going to school at night, you tend to just focus on how you're still not good enough, rather than admiring my efforts and accomplishments.

It's hard to celebrate when you have no one that would show up because you're estranged from 'family' and staying isolated out of fear of getting hurt.  I didn't deserve to celebrate but deep down I was too lonely to celebrate alone.

No one is born with Life Skills. They are taught. And for some, there was no one there to teach it and if you had to learn on your own, high-five to you for trying and doing the best that you can.  

With the internet and the Wellness and Recovery movement sweeping the nation, it's much easier these days to educate yourself on these things, find answers to questions, groups of kindred spirits to join.

It's not just the learning of the skills that's important, its the connections you make along the way and engaging with other teachers and peers that turns out to be the missing healing factor we didn't think about when we were too busy just "trying to make it on our own" and our coping skill to keep us safe was to isolate.

But in the long run, isolation, that warm, comfy spot that's just right, where we are safe and all alone, turns on us and becomes our prison and our barrier to heal from our connection-trauma.

It's something to think about. What I resisted the most, is what I desperately needed the most.

I now have this essential need met in the wellness and recovery community. I can be "all of me there" and can finally come out of the closet with my true story and I have much to share.

At this point in my life, I've surpassed the "just making it" point and am living the wellness and recovery lifestyle that supports me to be all that I can be.

This blog is my way of giving back. A lot of people helped me along the way, most of them don't even know it because I just modeled them at work. They taught me well. But they couldn't have taught me unless I was there and I got myself there. So kudos for me for feeling the fear and stepping into my work anyway.

I'm so blessed to work in the field that all my co-workers are my friends and supporters and those relationships have replaced the absentee family that used to be my only connection to others. I was stuck for years, decades, just focused on the non-relationships I had instead of making new ones.

That's all changed.  I focus exclusively on my present and future ones. I don't even think about the past ones anymore.

But I digress, as I often do, being a writer and all, I tend to go on and on.

But I try to make it interesting along the way.  This is me. This is who I've grown to be.

--

Interested  in EFT for Codependency Recovery?

Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues

Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

F*CK THAT MEDITATION - For When You're Too F*cking Tired to Feel Positive

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NLP for CPTSD

NLP is a profound healing tool for transforming traumatic stress into traumatic growth and recovery.

NLP is a combination of mindfulness, somatic experiencing and inner parts communication that has lasting effects.

NLP often works when nothing else will and can shift a person out of stress and into empowerment.

NLP is easy, fast and non-evasive. It can be learned in the safety and comfort of your own home and practiced on yourself as a coping tool for triggers, emotions, negative thinking and limiting beliefs.

On this blog I will post content and videos to teach you how to use NLP for yourself.