Going Within NLP Style*
*A natural and very useful ability to heal yourself and move toward your new goals.
It's easy if you know how.
Step 1: Go Within Yourself
Step 2: Ask Yourself (the right) Questions and Have a Simple Conversation.
Step 3: Say "Thank You for Communicating With Me"
Repeat as a daily practice or as needed. Use when you're stuck or feeling upset or just want to explore your goals on a deeper level.
No trance state required.
It's easier to Talk to yourself Within if you have a Part of you in mind OR you describe a feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation - with your 5 senses and then the feeling/emotion/upset/ pain/body sensation, becomes a 'tangible' thing that makes it easier to communicate with because its not so vague anymore. (See example below).
In essence you (the conscious Awake you here and now) are having a conversation with a (unconscious) PART of you that is represented by a feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation, with the purpose of helping that PART heal/transform/integrate with YOU so that you can move forward and not be stuck in an unresolved Part that tends to hold you back when stuck.
Why/How does this Work? It works because most people tend to shut down their feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation; they reach for something outside themselves to sooth it like a drink, a smoke, a drug, a food, an activity, and it may shut it up for awhile, but it does not help it resolve.
Unconscious Parts that generate unpleasant feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation are there for a reason - they're there to communicate with you, if only you knew how to communicate with it. Most of us have no idea we can communicate with our inner parts while we're awake and alert, and even if we did, most of us have no idea how or what to say or ask and even further, most of us have no clue how healing and transformative such a communication can be. Until we are taught and then we try it.
Once we learn how and try it on ourselves, and get the experience of a healing or a transformation then it all becomes crystal clear the magic of NLP and the hope and excitement of knowing anytime we have a feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation, all we need do is repeat the process and then we know we can handle anything.
The GOAL of the communication is resolution. Resolution means there is no longer a problem. The Goal of asking questions and communicating with our Inner Parts is to get your Parts to tell you what they need and want and why they are generating feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation - and how to get it to work together with our New and Present Part that doesn't want to be held back anymore and is ready to move forward from any feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation patterns that they notice operating in their life.
Meditation, Mindfulness, Focusing, Somatic Experiencing are all similar processes but they don't have any GOALS. The Goal is usually to calm down or relax or maybe feel centered, but there is no conscious communication and no literal or tangible resolution that you can see and feel around any specific feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation.
There are many paths to go Within, but only one that uses actual Communication between your active, awake mind and your unconscious mind so that you can get to a resolution.
Here are some basic principles about using NLP to go Within:
Anytime you notice a feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation or a pattern reaction, you immediately ask yourself, "WHERE DO I FEEL IT IN MY BODY". You don't try to answer, you are asking your unconscious mind so therefore you just pause and wait for the answer to come up or you get quiet and look within or do a body scan to find it.
Some examples might be: pressure in the chest, pain in the heart, lump in the throat, sinking feeling in the stomach, aches and pains that spontaneously pop up. Sometimes it is more vague, like "in my head" or a pain behind the eyes like right before you start crying, or a vague sense that is is "all around me" as if you are inside of it. There is no right or wrong answers.
If you "don't know", go back to the feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation - how do you know you're upset? And go with that answer. The main point here is you want to be able to identify a place in the here and now present time and not some vague memory or thought. (You can work with a vague memory or thought**, but that's a little more advanced, so try to work with a body sensation, also known as a somatic marker, first.)
Here's why. Once you identify that your feeling/emotion/upset/pain/body sensation is a pressure in your chest, for example. then you ask it the 5 NLP Questions referred to as VAK representations. V = Visual, A = Auditory and K = kinesthetic.
OK, so let's keep it simple and easy and go from here. You're pissed off, distraught, upset, disappointed and hurt. Where do you feel it in your body? Your chest has a zingy, electric feeling or adrenaline and pain as if your ribs are pushing your chest out. Your mind is going a mile a minute. Perhaps you feel like crying or venting. But you focus on your chest and ask it 5 NLP Questions:
1. What shape is it? (V) Pause... and go within and just look at it with your mind's eye. Don't move on to the next question until you've answered this one.
2. What color is it? (V) Pause.... and go within and with your inner sight look at the shape in your chest and notice what color or colors it is.
3. How much does it weigh? (K) Pause....go within again and get a sense of its weight. Take several seconds, use your imagination, guess, estimate. Is it heavier than you? It is as heavy as a bag of sugar? Ton of bricks? etc.
4. What temperature is it? (K) Again, just Pause (by now you're quieter and a little more relaxed and getting the hang of it, so you go inside yourself to investigate how warm or cool or hot or freezing the thing in your chest is. Feel it with your hands in your mind's eye. You can touch and and get a sense of it. You can feel the edges of it and sense if they are smooth or bumpy. You can even send energy or light or love into it with your hands. The mind is a powerful thing to waste, so use it to explore the various Parts of yourself that are within you.
5. What sound does it make? (A) Pause again....., and just listen. What sound does it make? If it seems to be completely silent, say that then, but describe the silence a little more. Is it a calm quiet, a dead silence, and eerie silence? Is there a hum, low rumble, white noise
It doesn't matter what the answers are. Again, there are no right or wrong answers. There is no psychological significance to any of the answers. they don't matter. they point of the questions and answers is to get your upset into a Tangible Part of yourself you can see and feel and hear and is a separate part of you.
The 5 questions get you and your upset separated into two different things so that you two can communicate. This is better than the upset part being you as one thing. There's you and there's a part of you that is upset over something. That part needs you. It needs you to pay attention to it and talk to it and work with it. And as a result you and it resolve the problem and work together to get what you'd rather have instead, what it wants instead. Here's how.
Once you get to that point, it's time now for the actual conversation to begin because you now have you (your awake conscious mind) and a Part of you as a tangible separate thing and the talking can begin in a way that is clear and easy. It's not easy talking to your unconscious mind when you're conscious mind is pissed off, distraught, upset, disappointed and hurt.
Questions to Ask this Part
First use your imagination and put that Part in your Left hand.
This is also an NLP move... it's when you take a memory or a picture or a tangible thing in your inner mind and move it to another location. Later you can ask "where is it now?" and that question makes sense because you've moved it a couple times. Moving a part within like that, sending it into the sun, moving it on your timeline, moving it to the left, etc. can also heal an upset instantly. I've seen it happen in seminars. It's a nice NLP move that is incorporated here to move the Thing in your Chest, that's now been described more tangible in your mind, into your Left hand where we can communicate with it better.
You're left hand serves as a nice visual for your awake conscious mind to see with open eyes, knowing that unconsciously your inner part is there and you don't feel so silly asking your empty left hand some deep questions. It's a curious, calm experience, by this time most people are very calm and curious and awake but quieter and relaxed than before they got to this point.
OK, so now you ask your Left Hand: (You're asking the Part of you that is in your left hand).
"Are you willing to communicate with me?"
Now here is the only point where it can go one of two ways, it can say "yes" or it can say "no".
[The rest of the steps below assume it said "yes" and if it said "No", you just skip to STEP X Below.]
Left Hand says , "Yes.". you say, "Thank you for communicating with me".
You then ask, "What do you want?" Pause and see what comes up.
Sit there and wait as if you just asked a real person and they're thinking and you're waiting for them to answer you patiently. If you're not getting anything, just go within again and focus on the tangible thing, focus on its shape, color, etc again and ask it on the inside (in your mind, not out-loud), What do you want? Ask with a sense of curiosity and compassion and patience. Don't try to demand a fast answer or get mad at it and certainly do not go into your conscious mind and start trying to figure out the answer. just pause and wait it out. Something always comes up. (And if it doesn't, then it is OK to just guess. Use your imagination (not your analytical mind of figuring or analyzing it out), just guess what it wants.
Usually something will come up. You ask it deeper questions along with same lines, like "Are you trying to help me in some way?" Why are you generating this upset, what's the purpose of it? What's your intention for being here? Are you trying to protect me or keep me safe or warn me? Are you trying to get me to pay attention to you?"
We go straight to the point of "What do you want" because its a nice direct question and we're giving it permission to be real with us an tell us without all the small talk first. The whole point was to get it to comm with us so we could find out what it wants. once we know what it wants we can then work with it. but we got to know it's intention too so we can help it get what it wants too. as with any rel or negotiation both sides want something, its good to hear that upfront so you can work together to both get what you want . if one side can't get what it wants why would it want to cooperate or disappear/heal? a part of you is generating this upset and this body sensation in order to tell you something in the first place, so ask it what it wants.
There are some universal themes in the answers because ALL PARTS OF US WANT TO HELP US. Even if our conscious mind doesn't think all our upsets want to help us, all the parts know instinctively that you are all part of a you and they are all on your side to preserve their one life with you. Parts are there to help us. So if you don't know that yet, its OK, just assume it wants to help and ask "Are you trying to help me in some way" so it can give you the answer.
It usually wants to protect you, warn you, keep you safe. By their very nature Parts are tying to keep you safe, especially trauma parts because trauma is all about safety and feeling safe again.
So whatever it tells you what it wants, what its intention is, WRITE THAT DOWN.
Step X - This is the point where you put your Left Hand Aside and pull up your Right Hand.
Inside that Right hand, you put in the following 9 Human Needs and Resource States that are universal also.
Let's start with LOVE. Everyone feels love. You put your Love in your Right Hand. What I do is think of something I love to do or someone I love or even an activity I love doing, and I get a sense of loving it and I use my imagination and put that love into my right hand. then I go to the next word, get a feel of it with or without a personal example from my life, and put it in my right hand, and so one down the list of 9 states of mind. Say the state, pause and feel it, put it in your right hand, move on to the next word.
love
strength
courage
centeredness
faith
gratitude
energy
power
compassion.... self-compassion... feel compassion for yourself for having had to go through so many things and for having to deal with this upset, etc. just have compassion for yourself mainly. You can also feel compassion for others here too, but don't leave out the self.
Now in your Right hand you have a combination of 9 Resources. This is also an unconscious Part of you that you just consciously, intentionally put together.
Now you have 2 Parts of you that can communicate with each other. You don't even have to hear what they're saying, you just know on an unconscious level they are and you tell them to signal you when they're done.
Here's how:
OK, so you have your left hand and your right hand being held out in front of you.
You direct the left hand, you tell it, to tell the right hand all of it's problems, from root to leaf, just give all the upset problems and any related problems to the right hand. Let the Left Hand tilt toward the right, and just imagine its sending all its info into the right hand until its done. When its done, let the left hand relax again, (stop tilting toward right), just let it sit there while you go tell the right hand what to do next.
The right hand can handle all the problems because its a powerhouse of 9 of the best resources states that relate the universal human needs. You tell the right hand to come up with some new ideas to help the left hand. What I do is tell my right hand to take in all the problems and intentions of the left, and come up with some new ideas on how to help the left hand that include resource states, and not just the upset states. This sense of New ideas is what helps the upset get unstuck, because its run out of options and is stuck in the only way it knows how to keep you safe - generate upset feelings to get your attention.
I tell the right hand to generate new ideas over the next 24 hours and also to give us at least 1 or 2 new ideas in the next 5 minutes. This allows it space and time to work on the issue, while also giving us something right now to work with.
I tell the right hand to let me know when it's done. I usually just feel a sense that it's done after a few long moments and then we're ready for the next step.
I go back to the Left and ask it if its ready to work together with the Right, to get its intention and needs met by letting the Right Resources help it, so that the upset doesn't have to get generated anymore. If we could accomplish its goals (get its intention and needs met) without the upset, would it be willing to work with the Right hand to do so?
You pause and wait for it to say "Yes", it's willing. If it says "No" skip to Step Y below.
After it says Yes, it'll work together with the right hand, have the two hands move toward each other until they come together and hold each other to symbolize on the inside and the outside that they are now working together.
This is called Integrating Parts and its how upsets are resolved on the inside and how resource states help you with new idea to fill the void in order to move forward. Healing is never complete without a movement of action forward, even if just a baby step forward, because it needs the challenge to grow. We always grow after resolving a conflict. we learn from all our experiences and we grow more mature, we grow wiser, we grow more loving, we grow in our recovery and wellness, etc. But we still live in our bodies on the outside in the world, not in our heads. Therefore we need to get to the behavior level where we take actions.
Once the two hands are holding each other, they are forming a new part now, a super part. A part that knows your upset pattern and a part with all your needs met and resources and strengths activated and it's ready to move forward so we must ask it a couple last questions to hear what we need to do out here in the real world.
Here's how.
We ask the new, super part a question that goes like this: "Now that this issue is resolved, what's the first thing I need to do?"
Again, simple and to the point, "what do I need to do next?" Pause, and wait for it to tell you. Wait for the answer to just come up.
Write that answer down. Clarify it, as in repeat it out-loud, see how it sits with you, make sure its a tangible action, a task you could write in your calendar today tomorrow or this week that you could do and that you can see yourself doing, and that you can see yourself accomplishing and getting done. If you got it, then write that down, that's the next thing you're going to do later today, or in the near future (this week or next week, don't go any further out that that. Make it something you can easily do in the next few days for best outcomes.)
Next question. OK, after you get that done, what's the next thing you're going to do?
This question is a Future-Pace question that will enhance your motivation and drive because you now have 2 tasks lines up and that's all you need to get momentum going. You will find that your motivation is quite high at this point, so you capitalize on that to attack it to real tasks you can get done. You will find yourself getting them done and feeling a rush of energy or confidence when you accomplish it. It's really an amazing feeling. Without the upset holding you back like an anchor preventing your boat from moving, and since your in alignment with your own personal goals and intentions, there is a natural excitement about them. Plus the sense of freedom from bondage of the upset because the upset is gone, but its also happy and content and feels well taken care of so it's in full cooperation with the resources parts. It's there to lend wisdom of past experience but without generating upsets, its now works with the resources to generate New Ideas for Tasks that you can get done that move you toward your goals.
You can accomplish any goal with just 2 steps at a time. so this is more than sufficient to get you going and you can always go within and ask your part, what is the next thing to get done now that those other tasks got done This is how you move forward with natural motivation and drive and not force of will and resistance trying to force yourself to get things done. This is also how to resolve or heal emotional upsets and this is also how to integrate parts that were shattered apart from trauma. They get back together by way of communication with each other, hearing each other out on what they need and aligning with strengths to feel safe and move forward at the same time.
The most important question one can ask him/her self is, "What do I want".
It's important because complex trauma sufferers rarely have permission or with no strings attach to what they want, especially those exploited by caregivers with personality disorders. in fact, it can be used as a regular practice using NLP to heal what comes up when you ask. Asking for what you want can feel dangerous and scary. Use the NLP process on the fears and then embrace what you want without it blocking your way anymore. It's a great "want" healer for those who are codependent and don't know how to focus on themselves and what they need or want and in extension their goals for what they want to do with their life.
Remember the problem with trauma is not feeling safe and being stuck. The solution is safety, support, resources and that helps it get unstuck and gives it what it needs so it can move forward again. Movement is life. Nothing stuck or stagnation can grow and indeed over time it causes de-compensation, regressing, etc. how it gets worse if you remain stuck for years. it doesn't go away and it doesn't get better. it needs to move. everything needs to move. motion is lotion. use it or lose it. we need to keep our lives moving, our bodies moving or minds moving, nothing can just stop and stay there forever.
So now you have 2 tasks to do in the near future and that is the end of the process. Look at the clock and although if feels like you went deep within yourself for a good half hour at least is not 45 minutes or more, you notice 12 minutes have gone by from the first question. This is another benefit of the method.
You write down those 2 things and plan to do them. Two weeks later you want to look back and journal about your experience and how you've been doing and what you've been doing in the last 2 weeks. Did you get your 2 tasks done? Has the upset come back any? Remember that original upset, how does it feel now? Can you try to make yourself upset about it or have you moved on and you now feel happy or free from it? It's always a good idea to check in 2 weeks later.
The reason we need to check in 2 weeks later, is people tend to have enough relief and momentum to just keep living there life and moving on. But the problem happens because problems happen. And you want to be ready for the next one. The only want to be truly ready and to want to come back to this process every time an upset comes up, is to evaluate how it worked out for you when you used it.
So review in 2 weeks for best results.
Remember to come back to this NLP process the next time you get upset. And the next. There is a nice accumulation effect if you practice this for about 90 days. You find you have healed quite a lot and are free from many stuck issues and have processed them and are moving on, etc and more importantly you know how to manage yourself. After 90 days other than a refresher every other month or every 6 months maybe, you really don't need to do it very often - just do it as needed whenever you are triggered or upset, or notice a Pattern operating in your life or relationships.
How Often Should I Journey Within Like This?
The best way I have found to use it, is to use it for 15 minutes a day. Practice it regularly for 90 days and then use as needed and maybe twice a year use it for general upkeep purposes.
** If you can only identify a vague memory or thought, then you need to ask yourself how you know you have it (if its not a body sensation). Is it a picture in your head? Or like a short movie clip? Or a voice of what someone said to you? If you have a picture of a memory or sounds of an old conversation, you can still work with that. If its a cloud over your head or a vague dark feeling or mist or seems all around you, you can still ask it the 5 VAK questions. As you practice going within like this and feeling with your mind's eye, this becomes easier and easier and is actually a very pleasant experience once you get over some initial bumps. Feeling your good feelings like this can be a magic experience, almost out of body type mild euphoric experience. But if you have no body sensation but you have a memory picture or movie or you just have a voice or conversation, then you just ask yourself more NLP questions for example; is the picture black and white or in color, what direction is the sound coming from (to the left, back and above my head) or (in my head in the back like an old memory, etc.) Just find the location and or describe in more detail. Whose voice it is (mom, old friend, etc.) and is it soft or loud, what is the tone? These questions are describing location and visual and auditory and you can go within via these also. It is just easier with a body sensation to separate yourself out from it in the beginning because you take a real life feeling you feel while wide awake, go within yourself and create this tangible thing out of it that is like talking to another person and it's neat to communicate with your unconscious mind like this without trance or hypnosis. It is an easy way for your conscious mind to communicate with your unconscious mind. It's also the most painless method I have come across in my life long search for a healing method that works on the obsessive thought (usually negative ones about myself and my life and my past) that I have ever found. I've been using it since 2013 I'm pretty sure. I got more serious about using it while in the Bay area and we moved there in 2013. It's now Sept 2017 as I write this and I use it weekly on myself, friends, partner and some clients. It has worked every single time and I have dozens of case studies of the before and after results.
What Happens Next?
Well, a good idea might be to do what Gary Craig creator of EFT Tapping said to do with his energy therapy/emotional healing method: The Personal Peace Procedure.
The Personal Peace Procedure. is simply sitting down with paper and pen and write a list of 50 or more things that you want to work on. Write a list of things that upset you, scare you, bother you. Keep listing everything you can think of until you can't think of anything else. It could be 100 things, it could be 3 pages long. Just write at least 50. Include memories of bad times or people you're mad at or people who are mad at you or times you lost things, were fired, whatever, just write them down.
Once you've done this brain dump of writing a list of all your issues. You simply start with the first one and do the healing process on that one. Do 1 per day for 90 days. It takes about 15 minutes to do the NLP inner journey, so this is very easy and do-able for anyone no matter how busy or how lazy they are.
I find that things that are easy or fun or both, are easier to actually want to do.
Imagine clearing up one issue a day for 90 days. What difference might you see in your life? Is it worth it to try?
Now What?
Time to pick one issue and give it a try. To make it easier for you, I made a session VIDEO to facilitate the whole questioning process for you. You can even pause the video as you go within and wait for the answers. The way I put together the NLP elements into my own system (I describe all the NLP elements in this article and the reason why I include them in my method), I like to call The INNER PEACE PROCESS of "IPP" for short.
Not to be confused with The Personal Peace Procedure. which is making a list of your troubles and difficulties and healing them one by one over 30 - 90 days and beyond. Please note, there is no set rule set in stone, these are just guidelines to make it as easy as possible for you to do it without having to figure all this out on your own. I only include the most essential and necessary elements to get a full process result, meaning you clear up an upset and you move forward toward what you want, all in one procedure. I see too many healing methods that don't include moving forward and I see a lot of goal setting procedures that do not include integrating the old parts. As a result these 2 methods alone are incomplete making it harder to keep at them and make any progress.
Next Step:
Try The Inner Peace Process (IPP) Video Here. The Inner Peace Process - Give Yourself A Session
Tips for doing the IPP Today:
1. Identify a specific problem. Write it down on a piece of paper or open up a note pad.
2. Rate it on a scale of 1 - 10 how distressing it is, 10 being the worst. You might even note how long you've had this problem and how this problem negatively impacts your life. (Turn on the video and listen for 15 minutes).
3. You can write down the answers to the questions as you go through the process, but the main one to write down is the Part's Intention and what it wants, and then later your 2 tasks.
4. When done, tune back into the original problem and rate it on a scale of 1 - 10, so you have the before and after number.
5. Write the date on your paper and also mark your calendar for 2 weeks from now so you can look back and see how you feel. At 2 weeks rate the issue again with a 1- 10 rating for how stressful it is at that time. If in 2 weeks its still a high stress number, I'd suggest doing the IPP again to see what is left that needs to be addressed and repeat. I've rarely had to do the IPP on any issue more than once or twice. At times it is just another aspect of the problem coming up that needs processing. An example of this is that the first time you do IPP on an issue, you are very upset and angry and hurt and 2 weeks later you notice you are more sad and like grieving a loss. Just 2 different aspects of the same problem that can be healed, cleared up and integrated. Continue to ask yourself for what you want and what 2 tasks you need to do next to continue moving forward with your life and recovery.
Afterthought:
I will do another video on a real issue with an explanation for what I write down as I go through each step so it will be even more clear for you.
If you'd like you can comment and let me know how it worked for you or ask any questions you may have. All the Best!
Thanks for reading,
Jeanette (JP)
No comments:
Post a Comment